


If In Doubt Make Fun of Roy

by mielipieli



Series: The Titans never really stopped being teens within [7]
Category: Titans (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Group chat, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-04-16 17:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14170065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mielipieli/pseuds/mielipieli
Summary: Roy: Mia just shot at meLilith: what did you doRoy: why do you assume i did somethingLilith: …Roy: … fair enoughRoy: i might have called the teen titans “tinies” out loud





	1. Chapter 1

Donna: Has anyone seen Dick?

Donna: he’s not answering his phone

 

Wally: no sorry

* * *

Donna: Dick where the hell are you?

Donna: we have a meeting

 

Roy: we’ve been waiting for an hour!

* * *

Dick: guys i’m sorry for vanishing i was stuck in the past

 

Roy: time traveller

 

Wally: who’s there

 

Roy: knock knock

 

Dick: i’ll tell you what happened when i have actually gotten sleep

 

Garth: I would tell you a joke about a time traveller but you didn’t like it

 

Dick: please don’t do this right now

Dick: alfie just threatened to sedate me

 

Donna: Why are you in Gotham?

 

Dick: emergency medical check up because i was stuck in a time with different diseases

Dick: i only need to take five different medications for the next three weeks

 

Roy: aw fuck

 

Dick: Master Roy, do watch your language. You will hear from Master Dick once he has gotten an adequate amount of sleep.

 

Wally: damn he wasn’t kidding

 

Dick: You, too, Master Wallace.

* * *

Lilith: why does the interesting stuff always happen when im asleep

Lilith: on a completely unrelated note: why weren’t any of you asleep

* * *

Wally: Garth why the hell don’t you ever dry yourself off after using the underwater entrance?!

 

Roy: did you fall on your face again

 

Wally: maybe…

Wally: and it’s NOT MY FAULT

 

Garth: sorry i forgot

 

Wally: DON’T FORGET

 

Roy: boy am i glad i don’t run faster than i can think

 

Lilith: wow you must be pretty slow then

 

Dick: ouch

 

Donna: Is spending time with Garth making Lilith saltier?

 

Roy: hahaha hilarious

Roy: i thought we were making fun of Wally

 

Donna: you know the team motto

 

Roy: titans together?

 

Dick: if in doubt make fun of roy

 

Roy: i hate all of you

* * *

Wally: you still haven’t told us about the time travel thing

 

Roy: Yeah!

 

Dick: it wasn’t actually that interesting

Dick: i was just stranded in another time with jason and we somehow managed not to kill each other

 

Roy: seriously? that’s all you’re gonna give us?

 

Dick: next time we all go to a bar together i swear

* * *

Roy: so jason just said something about “i swear i should have let dick get eaten by that octopus-bear-thing” and refused to elaborate

Roy: could this maybe have something to do with time travel 

* * *

Wally: wanna go grab a drink tomorrow

 

Lilith: sure

 

Garth: I’m free

 

Roy: definitely

Roy: we need to hear that story at some point

 

Donna: yes

 

Dick: i have to see whether one of the others can take care of my patrol

Dick: ok, cass is taking over

 

Wally: great! tower at 8?

* * *

Roy: anyone else feel like the most unbelievable part of that story is dick and jason not killing each other?

 

Donna: definitely

 

Roy: one time i lost jay in blüdhaven and i was just so sure he went off to pick a fight with dick

 

Garth: how hurt did they get

 

Roy: one black eye, one busted lip and two very drunk robins

 

Dick: I don’t remember that

 

Roy: you were so goddamn drunk

Roy: i never figured out how they had gone from fighting to drinking

 

Dick: didn’t jay tell you

 

Roy: he asked me where his black eye was from

Roy: so basically no

* * *

Garth: I won’t be able to make it today.

Garth: I’m stuck in Atlantis for at least two more days.

 

Lilith: oh, are you alright with that?

 

Garth: I’m not particularly happy about it but if anyone is an asshole, I’ll probably just leave

 

Roy: you still need to explain to me how you have cell service there

 

Garth: :)

Garth: I don’t really know

 

Donna: Is Arthur at least being nice?

 

Garth: Let’s just say he has been less nice in the past and leave it at that.

* * *

Dick: [video: Jason is laughing and Tim is yelling. “What the frick frack, Jason? What the actual heck were you thinking?” Tim turns around to the camera where Dick’s muffled laughter is heard. “Turn that dang phone off.” Tim gets closer to the camera which is shaking violently until the video is ended.]

 

Donna: I just heard a loud crash from the kitchen and apparently Roy fell from his chair because he was laughing too hard.

 

Roy: god how does he not know how to swear

 

Dick: he doesn’t spend that much time with jay

 

Garth: He spent his teenage years around you.

 

Dick: yeah?

 

Donna: shh, he doesn’t know

 

Garth: How does he not know?

 

Lilith: he’s usually too angry or tired to realize

 

Dick: are you talking about me

 

Roy: definitely not

 

Wally: why would you think that

 

Dick: stop fucking with me

 

Roy: …

 

Dick: what the hell are you talking about

Dick: could you please for one minute learn how to not be fucking idiots and answer my goddamn question

 

Roy: …

 

Dick: oh

Dick: ooooooh

Dick: that explains a lot

Dick: do i do that often

 

Garth: Swear like a sailor?

 

Dick: yeah

 

Donna: you know that temper problem you have

Donna: it’s tied together

 

Dick: I should probably work on that.

 

Roy: please don’t

Roy: it’s hilarious

* * *

 

Donna: DID YOU KNOW THAT THE TINIES HAVE A WHIRLPOOL?

 

Roy: yeah why didn’t we build one

 

Wally: because Garth said “ew no that’s what happens when you fart”

 

Roy: right that happened

 

Wally: why were you there

 

Donna: visiting Cassie

Donna: and I still am until monday

 

Dick: I actually don’t have anything to do right now

Dick: I’m joining you

 

Roy: you know technically i haven’t visited my sis in ages

 

Wally: no don’t they’re gonna think it’s an invasion

 

Roy: I know ;)

 

Wally: since bart would probably just close the door in my face i won’t be joining you

* * *

Garth: How did the invasion go?

 

Donna: we ended up training with them and telling embarrassing stories about each other

 

Dick: So now the tinies have way too much blackmail material on all of us but also on our siblings 

 

Roy: i learnt about like fifty bands i had never heard of and basically i’m feeling old

 

Dick: apparently kon cassie and bart regularly drug tim when he refuses to sleep and i feel like i shouldn’t be so proud of them for that

 

Donna: Mia was really excited to see Roy it was very sweet

 

Roy: i think blue beetle nearly fainted when Dick and I arrived

 

Lilith: so… 

Lilith: it went well?

 

Donna: yep

* * *

Roy: Mia just shot at me

 

Lilith: what did you do

 

Roy: why do you assume i did something

 

Lilith: …

 

Roy: … fair enough

Roy: i might have called the teen titans “tinies” out loud

 

Wally: did she hit you

 

Roy: no????

Roy: i caught the arrow?????

Roy: she might have kicked me in the balls after though

 

Dick: oh that’s rough

Dick: tim hit me in the solar plexus when he found out

Dick: jay laughed at both of us

* * *

Lilith: could a certain someone doing a certain activity while thinking of certain people keep their goddamn thoughts down

Lilith: I’m trying to read

* * *

Dick: does anyone know where my tampons went?

 

Roy: ???

Roy: i’m pretty sure i’ve seen your dick

 

Dick: i’m donna

Dick: my phone is charging

 

Wally: i thought we bought some for every bathroom

 

Dick: oh right

Dick: forgot about that 

Dick: damn we’re nailing the adulting thing

* * *

Lilith: did i just walk in on dick and wally crying because of a cooking show?

 

Donna: they’re too tired for their emotional responses to work properly

 

Lilith: yeah but why are they watching a cooking show at 3am

 

Donna: i think there’s some fear gas after effects involved but i’m not sure

Donna: they could also be betting on who can stay awake longer

 

Lilith: well Wally is just projecting a mess of emotions which was actually why i woke up

Lilith: like damn boy some of us want to sleep

 

Donna: did they notice you

 

Lilith: no i’ve been standing at the door for ten minutes

 

Donna: wait i’m coming down

Donna: let’s try and get them to sleep

* * *

Roy: i may or may not be in a lot of trouble

 

Dick: and you’re telling us that on your phone why

 

Roy: don’t have my comm

Roy: also can’t talk

Roy: i was investigating in a warehouse at the haven and the gang walked in 

Roy: i’m hiding

 

Dick: wait i’ll track your phone

Dick: do you want to take them down or just get out

 

Roy: just out

Roy: i didn’t find anything

 

Dick: wally’s on his way


	2. Chapter 2

Wally: guys Guys GUYS

 

Roy: what

 

Wally: i just found out something great

 

Donna: what did you find out

 

Wally: the bats watch a different topmodel show every year

 

Lilith: what do you mean different 

 

Wally: from different countries!

Wally: to practice a different language

 

Roy: i know

 

Wally: AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO MENTION IT?!

 

Roy: jay made me swear not to tell

 

Wally: DICK SAID JASON REFUSED TO JOIN!

 

Roy: wait seriously

Roy: nah, he watches them whenever he has cleaning to do

Roy: has them on in the background

Roy: i think once he watched a season from germany in one week

 

Donna: are you kidding me?

 

Roy: hell no

Roy: how did you find out wally

 

Wally: i was at dick’s place when he remembered he had to go to the manor. he said movie night and i asked whether i could join. so now i’m watching a russian version of america’s next top model and i don’t understand a word

Wally: and they only speak russian to each other while it’s on

Wally: i have never seen anything this amazing in my life

Wally: also duke is apparently learning russian right now and whenever he asks for a word everyone just tells him the meaning in unison

 

* * *

 

Dick: Wally!

 

* * *

 

Roy: does anyone know why Donna is sleeping in the living room

 

Garth: no but she seemed tired earlier

 

Roy: she didn’t wake up from me shattering my plate so…

 

Wally: maybe she’s sick?

 

Roy: she doesn’t get sick

 

Wally: right forgot about that for a moment

Wally: but there haven’t been any missions lately

 

Lilith: she helped the police out with a hostage situation last night

Lilith: didn’t get back here until 10 a.m. which is when Garth saw her

Lilith: then collapsed on the couch

 

Roy: that’s… a normal explanation

 

* * *

 

Wally: i was just flirting with someone and my brain went into speed modus

Wally: i’m really pissed at it

Wally: like wtf she was so sweet and clever and i fucked it up

 

Lilith: honey, i’m sure you can make it up to her

 

Wally: i freaked out and said yes and apparently the question was 

Wally: “do we really want rapists to get away so easily”

 

Roy: oh dang you fucked up

 

* * *

 

Dick: can someone please come to the gala with me

 

Roy: hell no

Roy: i’ve had to suffer enough

 

Dick: my siblings are going to create a lot of chaos

Dick: i don’t want to get involved

Dick: i just want to suffer in peace

Dick: bruce is going to expect me to stop them

Dick: i need help

 

Roy: still not going to be me

 

Dick: imagine how much the press would freak out though

 

Roy: hell no 

Roy: they’re finally leaving me alone

 

Dick: i can respect that

 

Wally: when is it

 

Dick: next saturday

 

Wally: fine

 

Dick: seriously?

Dick: thank you thank you thank you

 

Wally: i expect something in return 

Wally: i don’t know what

Wally: but i expect something

 

Dick: i’ll think of something

Dick: tuxedo should arrive in half an hour

 

Wally: you little shit

 

Dick: love you

 

* * *

 

Donna: i told you to be here at five

 

Dick: I’m sorry! i got more or less kidnapped

 

Wally: I’m sorry! i’m me

 

Donna: I’m going to ignore the more or less in dick’s excuse and accept it and yell at wally later

 

* * *

 

Garth: Did someone just die?

 

Lilith: everyone’s fine

Lilith: why

 

Garth: there was a really loud crash

 

Donna: i saw roy and dick enter the training room together

Donna: i think they’re sparring

 

Garth: Someone should check on them.

 

Lilith: they’re both in a good mood

 

Wally: i’m not sure if that’s an argument for or against checking on them

 

* * *

 

Wally: rich people are fucking disgusting

 

Roy: why

Roy: i mean i know that but why specifically do you feel the need to say that indisputable fact right now

 

Wally: there’s way too many people grabbing dick’s ass without permission

 

Roy: god i hate those people

 

Wally: i wouldn’t even feel comfortable grabbing his ass in private

Wally: like what the fuck

 

Roy: he’d beat you up 

 

Wally: i know and i would let him

Wally: his smile never faltered once

Wally: oh god i think the siblings are going to pull something

Wally: what the fsnsjkas

 

Lilith: Wally?

Lilith: are you still there

 

Roy: so either there was an amazing prank or the gala was just attacked

 

Donna: [Breaking News: Flash stops attack on Lexcorp gala]

Donna: it was an attack

 

* * *

 

Lilith: does anyone know when and why we started calling the TT tinies

 

Wally: no clue

Wally: maybe cause they’re tiny

 

Lilith: wow you’re helpful

 

Wally: i try

 

Lilith: but i was actually being serious

Lilith: how did it start

 

Roy: oh i know

Roy: cause dick and i started it

 

Lilith: tell me what you know oh great wise dude

 

Roy: it was during the outsiders thing

Roy: because while it had been weird when a completely unrelated team was the teen titans the little siblings were weirder

Roy: you know

Roy: “i think we were older when we started” and “we were never that small”

Roy: so we called them tiny titans which was too long and changed to tinies

 

Lilith: oh you actually do have an explanation

 

Roy: what 

Roy: i do know stuff

 

Lilith: yeah but i kind of didn’t expect you to

 

Roy: rude

 

* * *

 

Roy: [picture of Donna, Lilith and Dick sleeping in front of the tv. Donna and Lilith were leaning against each other, Dick’s head lay on Donna’s hips.]

Roy: awww

 

Wally: so cute

Wally: what were they watching

 

Roy: some crime show i don’t know

 

Wally: wait they watched a crime show with dick

Wally: on purpose

 

Roy: yeah i was wondering about that too

Roy: didn’t you two used to watch scooby doo together

 

Wally: still do

Wally: there’s nothing more hilarious

 

Roy: maybe they were enjoying his commentary

 

Wally: nah

Wally: you can’t enjoy that for more than two episodes and they look like they did a marathon

Wally: and you definitely can’t fall asleep while he’s ranting

 

Roy: maybe he learned how to watch detective shows?

 

Wally: i doubt it

 

Donna: shut up i’m sleeping

 

Wally: oh fuck


	3. Everything Has to Break at Some Point

Roy: should i be worried about the fact that ive been knocking on dicks door for five minutes and he’s not answering

 

Garth: he’s napping

 

Roy: yeah but shouldn’t he wake up if im yelling at the door

 

Garth: do you believe something to be wrong

 

Roy: i don’t know man 

Roy: but it’s possible

 

Garth: hold on i’m coming

 

Wally: …

Wally: it’s been five minutes could you please tell us what’s going on

 

Roy: so dick was lying on his right side

Roy: and of course he’d taken his hearing aid out

Roy: because who sleeps with a hearing aid

Roy: and yeah we kind of need to fix a door

 

Donna: good gods people this is the third fucking time

 

* * *

 

Lilith: Roy, very important question here: how come you don’t have hearing problems?

 

Wally: oh my god karen you can’t just ask people why they hear well

 

Roy: cause when i started going into the field everyone was already using those fancy ear plugs bats made

Roy: after one person loses most of their hearing in one ear, you make sure it doesn’t happen again fairly quickly

 

Dick: yeah i was pretty much the test object for everything

Dick: back when i was at the manor for the first time since he started living there, jason tried to scare me with like a megaphone at my ear while i was sleeping and i slowly woke up feeling like “oh yes that’s probably my alarm” and jason just started at me with fear in his eyes. 

 

* * *

 

Garth: backup please

Garth: [location]

 

Wally: i thought you were having date night

 

Lilith: we were

 

Wally: i just looked out of the widow

Wally: we’re getting ready

Wally: give us three more minutes

 

* * *

 

Dick: god i hate mind control

 

Wally: do you have a post mind control migraine or a concussion

 

Dick: both

 

Wally: oh dang

 

Dick: yeah

 

Roy: since when is there a mind control guy in blüd

 

Dick: im in gotham for the weekend and its tetch

Dick: you know she can be really nice but sometimes it’s just… ugh

 

Roy: ah right forgot you went home for the weekend

Roy: i feel you

 

* * *

 

Donna: guys where are you

Donna: guys?

 

Lilith: seriously

 

Donna: why aren’t any of you answering

 

Garth: Wally, Roy and Dick got arrested. 

 

Lilith: how the fuck did they get arrested

 

Donna: what did they do this time

 

Garth: I think they got into a fight.

 

Donna: you think?

 

Garth: I’m not really sure what happened

 

Donna: come meet us in front of the diner

 

* * *

 

Roy: [video of Mia kicking a guy in the balls]

Roy: he insulted Dinah and I’ve honestly never been prouder of my little sis in my entire life

 

Donna: remember this

Donna: [video of guy saying “I have a use for that pretty mouth of yours” to Dinah, Dinah turning around and using her canary cry on him]

 

Roy: that was Ollie’s ringtone for a year

 

* * *

 

Roy: WHAT THE FUCK DONNA

 

* * *

 

Wally: it’s been two days and i still don’t know what that was about

 

Lilith: me neither

 

Garth: I have no idea.

 

Dick: nope

 

Donna: i don’t know either and at this point i’m too afraid to ask

 

Roy: it was about the thing

 

Donna: what thing

 

Roy: the … thing

 

Donna: oh the … thing

Donna: sorry about that

 

Roy: im not mad anymore

Roy: it’s fine

 

Wally: no idea what’s going on

 

* * *

 

Wally: look at these dumb fucks

Wally: [video of Roy and Dick wrestling in the living room and Roy throwing Dick into the glass couch table]

Wally: [picture of Roy pulling glass out of Dick’s back in the medbay]

 

Dick: WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT DON’T TELL DONNA

 

Garth: What, Lilith and me he can tell?

 

Donna: are you freaking kidding me

Donna: again?!

 

Lilith: wait when did this happen the first time

 

Wally: come on Donna it’s like a rite of passage for each tower

 

Donna: remind me why we buy glass couch tables every time

 

Wally: because we never remember?

 

Donna: i remember

 

Wally: also @lilith like three years ago, eight years ago, twelve years ago

 

Lilith: how did I never hear about those times

 

Wally: you weren’t on the team that often

 

Garth: took me the last five minutes to find but here you go

Garth: [video: camera shaking as Wally is laughing while filming, Roy lying in the ruins of a couch table. Argent and Damage are standing in the doorway with wide eyes as Dick yells at them with wide eyes: “Don’t tell Donna.”, the camera shakes more violently until Dick sees it and puts his hand on it.]

 

Donna: why are you so scared of me anyway

 

Wally: dick just fell asleep

Wally: don’t know how but it’s not from blood loss

Wally: just you know, might take a while till he wakes up


End file.
